AUGUST 2014 REPORT CARD

everything is stable...

but need to watch my sugar and carbs...

otherwise...

i feel good...

i feel great...

 

kayo?

kamusta kayo?

 

ako si BONG

ito ang aking diary

 

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IACM 2014

(photo credits: TRR)

 

ANDUN AKO

NAKIKIISA

NAGDADALAMHATI PARA SA MGA KAIBIGANG NAUNA NA

NAGPUPUGAY SA MGA KASAMAHANG PATULOY NA NAGPUPUNYAGI

ANDUN AKO

KASAMA NYO

 

ako si BONG

ito ang aking diary

 

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MY NEW REPORT CARD!

April 03, i got an email from my doctor:

Lab results:

1. CBC normal

2. FBS normal, Hgb A1C is controlled (6%)

3. Lipid profile shows bad cholesterol normal, good cholesterol is now at adequate levels, but triglycerides increased compared to previous. need to cut down on carbs. we will repeat in 3 months.

4. Liver and kidney tests normal.

4. cd4 is 429 (14.28%) compared to previous of 329 (13.7%) last august 8.

 

Schedules to keep:

a. flu and pneumo shots soonest

b. next cd4 sep 23, 2014

c. next appt for refill, routine, lipid profile determination on may 26

pls coordinate with nurse carl for schedule confirmation. thanks.

 

Best, Dra. Kate

and so after 7months of ARV. my labs are almost perfect. cd4 are improving. no missed dose of meds except for some some late intake.

time to celebrate.

i am happy!

ito ang aking diary

ako si BONG

 

 

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SISTER LOVE

MARCH 19, 2014, Wednesday, 11:20pm

HER: Kuya ***** told me about your condition :(( bakit naman 2 years na pala d ka nagsasabi sa amin, pano pala kung too late na? Kuya naman lagi ka wala sinasabi... Oo madami ka friends to help and support you pero kami naman family mo dapat alam namin nangyayari sayo sobrang lalayo na nga namin at hindi na tayo nagkikita. You have to give us a chance to help you in anyway we can. Sabi naman ng Kuya ***** you're doing everything and getting the best treatment. Doble ingats na dapat at alagaan mabuti sarili mo. You should tell Ate **** too. We are here for you no matter what and if you need anything I am just a msg away too.

ME: Hehe

HER: Anong hehe? Ikaw!!! I had to cry it out last night pa bago ako magising this morning para hindi masyado emo tas "hehe" sagot mo?? Baliw!

ME: http://www.parteeandplay.blogspot.com/2011/07/day-0-june-30-2011.html?m=0 - Yan ang first entry sa blog ko. Thats my story.

HER: I started reading it last night pa. kuya ***** told me about the blog too. Hayss.

ME: Am okay naman. Its not a very big deal really. Ayaw ko lang marami nagwoworry sa akin. Hahaha.

HER: Were suppose to worry and try to help you in anyway. Iuupdate mo kami kung ano nangyayari sa mga treatment mo. Kahit kay kuya **** alam mo naman ako kalahati lang utak minsan hindi ko naiintindihan. Pero alam ko serious yan kaya mag ingat ka.

ME: Thanks. Wag na muna ke ate **** Kayo na lang muna. At pls wag ng sabihin sa iba oks?

HER: Ikaw bahala. I wont say a thing. Let me know if you need anything at isasanla ko kaluluwa ko dyan sa tabitabi. Nasan kaba nasa province parin?

ME: Manila ako now, me tinatapos na trabaho. Punta ako sa province sa sabado.

HER: Yung pakiramdam mo ba ano? May sumasakit ba sayo? O normal lang?

ME: Wala normal lang naman. Alam na ni ***** (husband)? Anung sabi?

HER: Alam nya kase kaharap sya. This morning sabi nya sakin if you need help we'll be here to support and help. Actually ayaw pa sabihin ni Kuya **** we have to sit daw to talk about something another day.

ME: Tapos?

HER: E hindi ako makali i think i ask if its about you tas sabi ko is he sick? Hindi na sya sumagot

ME: Eh pano mo naman naisip na its abt me and that am sick? Do i look sick?

HER: Tas kase sabi ko for some reason everytime nakikita ko post mo sa fb about how you support those with it active ka Dun sa group to prevent it. Paramg naffeel ko lang baka meron ka rin nga matagal ko na naiisip actually. Pero syempre hula hula i dunno gawa lang nung pinopost mo sa fb

ME: Oks.

HER: Kaya yung naconfirm ko sa kanya yung feeling ko yung kinakatakutan ko na na feel ko palang totoo pala.

ME: Ganun na nga. Oks lang yan. Its not like before naman na walang gamot. Now the meds are really good and kelangan lang maging healthy lifestyle and iwas stress.

HER: Yun nga daw importante basta magingat sa lahat. Binabasa ko nga blog mo kagabi super positive kaparin which is great and youre helping others din. Yakang yaka ikaw pa.

ME: Korek

HER: Aylabyu very very much! Ikaw ay ipagdadasal ko galingan mo. Nalulungkot ako na hindi ako makauwi para makita kayo. Hays. Balitaan mo kami palagi kung ano nangyayari sayo.

ME: Okay po. Thanks labyu too.

--- My yougest sister is the best. I miss her :(

BACKSTORY:

So ayun na nga, before leaving, my brother asked my permission to tell our youngest sister and her husband, my being positive. Somehow ayaw nyang nagiisa lang sya na nakakaalam sa family ko at kung anu man daw ang mangyari they are both in a position to help me out. I said yes. They are 2 of my siblings which i am most comfortable with. I love them dearly. Nakakaluwag lang ng damdamin na malaman na kahit anung mangyari they will be there to help me, without judgement.

Am fine as of the moment. In a weeks time is my routine labs, 7mo after starting meds. Crucial kasi i wld know if my stats are getting better so il know if the meds are working for me. Crucial din kasi from the results i would know kung magfufullblast na ba ako sa work at par pursue ng other opportunities sa ibang field of work. I feel great naman. Aside from some minor fungal and bacterial infections na naagapan namang gamutin, I dont feel anything different.

Wish me luck on my lab results.

 

ito ang aking diary

ako si BONG

 

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BUNTIS KA RIN???

at ito ang simula ng mahigit 3 oras na kwentuhan...

habang pareho namin iniintay ang epekto ng EFAV!

ang masasabi ko lang....

PUTANGINA!

Buntis rin sya!!!

Omg! abangan ang twist and turns sa buhay ko...

 

ako si BONG

ito ang aking diary

 

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MISS KITA!

Ang Disyembre ko ay malungkot

'pagkat miss kita

Anumang pilit kong magsaya

miss kita pag Christmas

Kahit nasaan ako

pabaling-baling ng tingin

walang tulad mo

Ang nakapagtataka'y

maraming nakahihigit sa iyo

Hinahanap-hanap pa rin kita

Ewan ko kung bakit ba

ako’y iniwan mong nag-iisa

Miss kita, o giliw

Pasko’y sasapit

'di ko mapigil ang mangulila

Hirap niyang mayroon ka nang iba...

 

 

ito ang aking diary

ako si BONG

 

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STAYIN' ALIVE!

 

Well now, I get low and I get high,

And if I can't get either, I really try.

Got the wings of heaven on my shoes.

I'm a dancin' man and I just can't lose.

You know it's all right. It's OK.

I'll live to see another day.

We can try to understand

The New York Times' effect on man.

 

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,

You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',

And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive.

 

~ bee gees

this is how much i have to deal with to stay alive.

difficult you say? nah!!!

it takes a little time to get used to

definitely confusing at times

pero its actually easy

these meds keeps me healthy

parang multivitamins lang

today my routine labs went well, spotless

and so i can breathe easy

coudn't ask for more

sabi nga ni Janina San Miguel,

"i dont peel eyni preysyur rayt now"

today we celebrate WORLD AIDS DAY!

25 days til christmas!

HAPPY!

 

ako si BONG

ito ang aking diary

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MERCURY RETROGRADE BREAK UP!

from http://www.astrologyzone.com/forecasts/mercury.html

At several points throughout the year most of us will be bombarded with the maddening effects of Mercury in retrograde. Mercury is a planet which governs all transportation and communication issues. Mercury is not an emotional planet, but rather a highly objective, truth-seeking one. It rules intelligence, education and truth. When it is in retrograde, some of its power is held back.

When Mercury starts turning in an apparent backward motion, we will start to feel the effects of this event days or even as far as two weeks earlier. When the planet normalizes we will see the tempo of events pick up in our lives as the planet becomes "stationary" and then speeds forward.

Gemini and Virgo are signs ruled by Mercury, so if you are one of those born during those months, you will be complaining especially loudly. If you work in the industries ruled by this planet such as sales, writing, public relations, advertising, publishing, air freight, the post office or express mail, any transportation industry, from the airlines to Amtrak, you'll also be especially vulnerable to this planet's weird motions in September. (If you are a Gemini, for example, who works in publishing, it's no use calling in for a month of mental health days--you can't escape!)

What happens when Mercury retrogrades? You miss appointments, your computer equipment crashes, checks get lost, you find the car you just purchased during Mercury retrograde is a lemon. (Or, you hate your haircut, the lamp you bought shorts out, your sister hates her birthday gift.) There will be countless delays, cancellations and postponements--but know these will benefit you in the long run. Don't fight them, although your frustration level and feeling of restlessness will be hard to cope with at times.

In matters of the heart, if your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you or says something hurtful, take a wait-and-see attitude. Since Mercury rules speech, they may not mean what you think they are saying now. Let them have some space, and wait to see if they mean in October what they said in September.

 

ABOVE EXPLAINS WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT WHICH LED TO MY SMS TO HIM THIS MORNING:

------ I love you so much hon! Di magbabago yun! I am letting you go not because i am giving up but because i want you to be happy. Remember to always reflect on what your goals are and what needs to be done. Sana eh wag mong pababayaan ang sarili. Ang mga boys will just come and go! Most impt is you love and protect urself all the time. I will miss you! Thanks for the most memorable 1 1/2 years of my life.

-------

and so today is the start of my new state of #SINGLEBLESSEDNESS #efavirenz4REBOUND

dont ask me if am okay coz am PERFECTLY FINE :)

ito ang aking diary

ako si BONG

 

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BATTLE WEARY

Battle Weary: A Poem by River Huston

 

Is it over yet?

crawling from a foxhole

made in the dirt

thirty years deep

the bodies are piled up

some old as cordwood

other freshly departed

Goodbye Ben

baby honey boy

you texted me

just last night

don't get it bro

but you're in God's hands now

You didn't get the memo?

it gets better, man

but I get it

you just worn out

worn down

How long can you live

with death firmly planted by your side?

it's that way for everyone

but for us it's visible loud

intrusive

bony hand on your shoulder reminding you

of everything you ever done wrong

I manage it

just some days the insides

turn to mud

and i can't get a grip

When the smoke cleared and the artillery

went from heavy mortars

to the occasional sniper fire

you'd think I'd handle it

cause i did the big fights

I survived sister

but it seems to have gotten worse though

when everyone was dying

somehow it was easier

it's that lone warrior

falling when you least expect it

it takes me down every time

This sadness is fierce

grief rolled up like punch

my ghosts

are loud

especially late at night

waking to conversations

long forgotten

My love, my love

how i miss you

Sunrise brings another day

some tea

put on the good face

the sea helps

if it doesn't make me cry

it gets me through another day

 

____________________________

i heard of a fellow pusit committing suicide a few weeks ago, even after a "self empowerment training" he has undergone --- sad!

ako si BONG

ito ang aking diary

 

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HELLO ARG!

its been 3 months

biglaan ang pagbisita

mag isa lang ako

wala si bf, nasa trabaho

---

lightheadedness

nilalamig

slight shortness of breath

me konting plema

----

am i sick?

or am i just getting paranoid?

---

mabuti na yung sigurado

so here i am

waiting for my turn

free consultation

---

familiar faces

new faces

---

wish me luck!

 

 

ako si BONG

ito ang aking diary

 

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CEBU, DAVAO & NCR VOLUNTEERS NEEDED!

official registered PLHIV community 

has just passed the 10,000 mark

they say that 

because of the trend 

the expected estimate

is that there will be

45,000

PLHIVs

by the year 

2015

and that no amount of 

advocacy work right NOW 

can change the impending

localized EPIDEMIC

we are no longer helping out

to save the upcoming 35,000

PLHIV colleagues

but to save the one's after

THEM 

but we need more hands!

thousands of more volunteers

we need your

HELP!

http://www.loveyourself.ph/p/i-want-to-help.html

LUZON VISAYAS MINDANAO!

please register!

SALAMAT PO!

ako si BONG

SINO ANG NAKAHAWA SA IYO?

You know Bong, if you have noticed most of the HIV cases in PH, they hardly know where they got it. Very seldom that someone can recall or traced it back from its "ORIGIN".I know for a fact that it will not changed a thing if you have the virus already but then isnt it make you feel better if you know who passed it!

from HIVSLASHAIDS
http://hivslashaids.blogspot.com/

HELLO HIVSLASHAIDS,

totoo, kahit ako, i cannot exactly pinpoint who is the culprit in my case... alam mo kung bakit? kasi mahirap naman talagang malaman kung sino --- unless isa lang ang nakasex (unsafe) mo sa buong buhay mo, or kapag once every 6 months ka lang nakikipagsex at within that period eh magpapaHIV test ka, siguro kapag ganun ang case mo mapipinpoint mo...

it is a FACT na even if you have unsafe sex sa isang PLHIV, may chance pa rin na hindi ka mahahawahan --- hindi automatic na mahahawahan ka agad, may chances pa rin na hindi... maraming factors ang dapat iconsider.   ang sabi pa nga ng ibang studies eh mahirap naman daw talaga na maikalat ang HIV, marami lang talagang mga tao ang nagiging mapangahas pagdating sa sex.

so ano yun iisa isahin mo ang mga nakasex mo? pipilitin mo magpatest kung ayaw umamin or kung hindi nila alam? (thats against the law to make-pilit magpatest anybody) tapos kung nag positive nga sila, pano mo mapapatunayan na sya ang nakahawa sa iyo at hindi ikaw ang nakahawa sa kanya?  so you have to consider time differences, kelan ka nahawahan? kelan ka nagpatest? kelan sila nahawaan? kelan sila nagpatest?  ---  eh kung magnegative yung pinagdududahan mo, e di ikaw naman ang babalikan nya, bakit mo siya inilagay sa risk of infection, ikaw naman hahabulin.  walang katapusan na counterchecking baka makagawa ka na ng family tree ng HIV sa Pilipinas.  gugulo lang ang buhay mo.

sa aking palagay mas makabubuting wag na lang malaman (irrelevant na yung issue), kasi una mahirap maghinala at mahirap magprove ang ebidensya, unless 100 percent sure ka nga, solid facts ang kailangan.  at para anu pa? it wouldnt make any difference at all. isa pang pagsisimulan ito ng galit, kung malalaman ko kung sino, baka hindi natin maiwasan na magtanim ng galit sa taong me kasalanan, most of the cases naman eh hindi rin nila sinasadya ang pangyayari.

negative energies ang mga yun, wala na akong panahon sa ganun, i just wanna live a healthy and positive life, anything i do that does not make me productive and will not lengthen my life is a WASTE of TIME - so why bother? ;)

para sa akin, ang katotohanan, kasalanan ko rin ito, nagpabaya ako, tinatanggap ko ng 100% ang responsibilidad na ito, wala akong sinisisi at itinuturo...

sana lahat tayo ganun.

ito ang aking diary

ako si BONG

NEWLY DIAGNOSED!

Hi Bong,

Good day.

I saw your email add thru your blog & I'm really just finding the courage and strength to write you. I'm sorry if this email might be confusing... this is my state of mind right now. I'm just going thru my emotions and write... Here it goes.

I'm a 34 yr-old professional. I had my test, my first & only test last Thursday, July 19th, and I came out positive.
I feel I had it for a long time now and I feel I'm already getting sick. I always get headaches, lagi ako nanghihina. I always get LBM...

I'm still in the process of accepting it. I'm only worried & confused now as to what I should do.
Sorry Bong. Nalilito ako... What should be my next step.


I feel I'm getting sick by the minute.
I really need your advise. I know you've heard this a million times but I feel so alone right now.
I feel I'm not ready yet to tell my family.
I just don't know what to do...

I really want to get healthy & I want to survive this... It's just hard that I don't know who to talk to.
I'm scared & confused that it might be too late for me to get healthy.

Thank you in advance and hoping to hear from you.

I'm leaving here my contact no. just in case... XXXXXXXXX

Thank you again & more power to you. :)

RAVE

hey RAVE,


tough week for you i can imagine. and i feel your confusion.


id like to know where you got your test? and i suppose you got to talk to a counselor?
meron pa bang hindi nacover ang counselor mo?


the usual process is, you should be waiting for your CONFIRMATORY RESULTS in about 2 to 3 weeks.
after the results are confirmed and it is indeed "POSITIVE". you are supposed to be endorsed to a treatment hub
of your choice.


you have to report and register to the HUB and start baseline laboratory tests to asses all your 
health status.


depending on the results of all your laboratory tests, your hiv doctor will recommend that you either start 
ARV treatment or not. 


disclosure to anybody of your friends and family will depend entirely on you as it is a very sensitive matter.
(i only disclosed to the people who i can trust my life with)


i can understand your confusion, its a common stage especially if you still dont know your exact health
status so i suggest you get your baseline laboratory tests asap.  you have to remember that 
help is always available and all you have to do is ask.  there are a lot of positive support group
especially on twitter where you can seek help and still be anonymous.  i am also always here 
to help out if you have any questions.


whatever happened in the past and how long have you had it is already irrelevant.  the important thing
right now is that ALAM MO NA and there is still time to do something about it.  its not the end of the world
all you have to do is compose yourself and face it head on and stay upbeat... kasi pag mas lalo kang 
nalulungkot or nadedepress, mas lalong masama para sa health natin.


i know its easier said than done but there is no other way.  stay "positive" and seek help. you are not alone.


if you have unli calls, you can reach me 09174711979 or tweet me --- ako_si_BONG


welcome to the club - stay strong ;) 


salamat,


BONG

Happy Anniversary!

i only remembered now, July 1 was the exact date i was diagnosed.

how could i?

- i was busy (lotsa work to be done)

- i never felt better, my labs are spotless

- cd4 count is steadily improving (next visit this july)

- lovelife is busy (i found someone *wink wink)

- sexlife is amazing

- career is likewise improving

how could anyone remember the bad memories if everything in their life seemed perfect?

i'v always been a happy boy, not even HIV can change that :)

ito ang aking diary

BONG

 

KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT!

sometimes dumadating sa buhay mo yung may nararamdaman kang pain sa iyong puso...

wala sa lugar pero yun ang nararamdaman mo...

sometimes parang gusto mong sumigaw...

pero wala kang magawa kasi sadyang mahina ka...

at maiisip mo na lang... you get what you deserve...

minsan parang andaming salita na gustong kumawala sa bibig mo...

pero alam mong mas nakabubuting itikom mo na lang ang iyong bibig...

dahil wala ka sa lugar...

pero punong puno pa rin ang iyong dibdib...

at wala kang gumawa kundi ang lumuha...

wala kang masabihan...

kahit kaibigan mo...

hay buhay...

tang-ina!

ganito pala yun...


ito ang aking diary

BONG