MISS KITA!

Ang Disyembre ko ay malungkot

'pagkat miss kita

Anumang pilit kong magsaya

miss kita pag Christmas

Kahit nasaan ako

pabaling-baling ng tingin

walang tulad mo

Ang nakapagtataka'y

maraming nakahihigit sa iyo

Hinahanap-hanap pa rin kita

Ewan ko kung bakit ba

ako’y iniwan mong nag-iisa

Miss kita, o giliw

Pasko’y sasapit

'di ko mapigil ang mangulila

Hirap niyang mayroon ka nang iba...

 

 

ito ang aking diary

ako si BONG

 

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MERCURY RETROGRADE BREAK UP!

from http://www.astrologyzone.com/forecasts/mercury.html

At several points throughout the year most of us will be bombarded with the maddening effects of Mercury in retrograde. Mercury is a planet which governs all transportation and communication issues. Mercury is not an emotional planet, but rather a highly objective, truth-seeking one. It rules intelligence, education and truth. When it is in retrograde, some of its power is held back.

When Mercury starts turning in an apparent backward motion, we will start to feel the effects of this event days or even as far as two weeks earlier. When the planet normalizes we will see the tempo of events pick up in our lives as the planet becomes "stationary" and then speeds forward.

Gemini and Virgo are signs ruled by Mercury, so if you are one of those born during those months, you will be complaining especially loudly. If you work in the industries ruled by this planet such as sales, writing, public relations, advertising, publishing, air freight, the post office or express mail, any transportation industry, from the airlines to Amtrak, you'll also be especially vulnerable to this planet's weird motions in September. (If you are a Gemini, for example, who works in publishing, it's no use calling in for a month of mental health days--you can't escape!)

What happens when Mercury retrogrades? You miss appointments, your computer equipment crashes, checks get lost, you find the car you just purchased during Mercury retrograde is a lemon. (Or, you hate your haircut, the lamp you bought shorts out, your sister hates her birthday gift.) There will be countless delays, cancellations and postponements--but know these will benefit you in the long run. Don't fight them, although your frustration level and feeling of restlessness will be hard to cope with at times.

In matters of the heart, if your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you or says something hurtful, take a wait-and-see attitude. Since Mercury rules speech, they may not mean what you think they are saying now. Let them have some space, and wait to see if they mean in October what they said in September.

 

ABOVE EXPLAINS WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT WHICH LED TO MY SMS TO HIM THIS MORNING:

------ I love you so much hon! Di magbabago yun! I am letting you go not because i am giving up but because i want you to be happy. Remember to always reflect on what your goals are and what needs to be done. Sana eh wag mong pababayaan ang sarili. Ang mga boys will just come and go! Most impt is you love and protect urself all the time. I will miss you! Thanks for the most memorable 1 1/2 years of my life.

-------

and so today is the start of my new state of #SINGLEBLESSEDNESS #efavirenz4REBOUND

dont ask me if am okay coz am PERFECTLY FINE :)

ito ang aking diary

ako si BONG

 

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SURVIVED DAY 1!

OA naman, parang big big deal. parang nagkasakit... hindi naman. i just survived Day 1 of m ARV medications. am now on day 2. So far so good, its not as bad as i expected.

(SHIP - my new clinic in shaw blvd)

TRANSFERED HUBS

i am now with SAGIP Unit (STI/AIDS Guidance Intervention & Prevention Unit) under UP-PGH. lumipat ako from RITM-ARG at mabilis lang naman ang proseso, napaka accommodating pa rin ng mga taga RITM Alabang and i soooo love them still. pero there are some important considerations why i have to transfer. kaya ayun, wednesday morning i was at RITM Alabang then kinahapunan, dala ko na ang endorsement at medical abstract ko sa clinic sa shaw.

bakit kamo? kasi nga am about to start ARV na. eversince naman eh naisip ko na that when the time comes na kelangan ko ng mag gamot and my CD4 count gets to lower than 350, i would like to have a private doctor, someone who can give my case more attention. syempre lahat naman tayo gusto yung naaalagaan tayo. hassle din kasi minsan ung dami nakapila for consulatation then all you get is a few minutes with the attending doctor. minsan lang feeling ko baka may di mapansin sa case ko at baka may mamiss-out.

and so i found a great doctor, (si Dra. Kate) dahil super duper highly recommended sya ng ilang friends ko. at dahil under sya sa UP-PGH kaya i needed to transfer hubs. ang good news pa eh she holds clinic sa shaw blvd lang, lapit lang sa akin, all labs and dispensing of medications can be done there so super convenient para rin sa akin. syempre dahil sa philhealth libre pa rin lahat ng gamot and labs, mabuti na lang at continuous ang contributions ko. having a private doctor means me consultation fee (not free) and for me its totally fine, so long as ensured ako na naaalagaan ang case ko. Php 550 per consultation, i'd say not bad kasi halos ganun din naman nagagastos ko everytime bumibiyahe ako sa Alabang.

i am going to miss alabang.

DAY 1

after waiting for a few weeks para sa results ng sputum at xray ko, i was finally cleared and ready to start ARVs. all my labs wer great except that medyo mataas daw cholesterol ko - DIET DIET DIET sabi ni dra.!!! kaloka i soooo love her, sya yung duktor na super kwela at masaya kausap, walang ni isa mang hint ng judgement sa pagkatao mo kaya nga because of that i feel soooooo safe to tell her everything even my occassional recreational drug use. tapos super sipag pang sumagot sa mga emal at text, feel ko na she really wants to help out and take care of you.

so i brought my BF during my ARV counseling para maging treatment partner ko. naexplain naman ni doc ang mga gamot ko and possible side effects. sabi nya of all yung EFAV lang talaga ang medyo nakakagroggy kaya sa gabi sya tinatake before sleeping.

(efavirenz -adverse effects)

 

and so yesterday was day 1, TENOFOVIR - LAMIVUDINE - EFAVIRENZ, considered 2nd-line ARV na yata yun because dra thinks its best for my case. i stayed at home the whole day to see what happens.

morning medications did not have any noticeable effect whatsoever. yung efav sa gabi ang medyo nahilo at nagroggy nga ako. parang slight naka ecstasy ka lang pero since nakahiga na rin ako agad 30mins after taking it di ko na siguro naramdaman yung ibang effects. i just noticed mga 3x ako nagising middle of the night at parang medyo restless, pagkagising ko kaninang umaga hilo pa rin ako for about 1hr tapos unti unti rin nawala. itinodo ko na rin yung aircon kagabi kasi sabi nila it can feel hot sometimes. dahil dun di ko naman nafeel kung uminit nga ako.

so ayun success ang day 1 ko ko, i hope tuloy tuloy lang and that after 1 month my labs will show good numbers pa rin. wish me luck.

 

VACCINES

have to save money pala for more vaccines to protect myself from other possible diseases. magastos din but have to do it. IPON IPON IPON!

 

so ayan, alam nyo na na buhay pa rin ako, alive and kicking all over. happy lang. tamad lang talaga ako magblog lately. sensya naman.

o kamusta naman kayo?

 

ako si BONG

ito ang aking diary

 

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THE ELUSIVE 500!

Stats update, i'm back at 498 from a low of 382 two months ago. so am back to "not wanting to get meds" ulit.

it was actually a steady improvement for 1 1/2 years until i got some bacterial infection last february that led to some neuropathic problems (unrelated to my serostatus). i was under medications which is expected to bring my immune system down. fortunately i recovered fast in just a matter of 3 weeks and my doctor said that it's a sign that despite my HIV status my immune system seems strong.

true enough my cd4 went down 382 last february and the doctor recommended that i start ARVs na. i hesitated and decided to wait another 3 months and see if my cd4 count would improve. nevertheless they started me on 6mo of daily doze isoniazid which is a phropylactic medications for TB.

and now the great news --- as of May my cd4 is up at 498 and i should say back on track.

improving without ARV medications.

something that i am very thankful of.

hindi nagpapatalo ang immune system ko, palaban pa rin.

i dont know how long they can hold this fight and i sincerely hope that they would not need medicinal reinforcements soon.

but then again there are a lot of study pointing to early medications as very beneficial to PLHIVs and that it will promise better protection for my sexual partner (bf). kaya mahirap pa rin magdecide i am torn between keeping a status quo and try to live a healthy life free of medications. or starting a new life on medications which can potentially impact my lifestyle.

for now am choosing the easier route of the status quo. i think my immune system deserves a chance to prove itself and fight this virus without reinforcements.

the elusive 500 cd4 count, i hope in another 3 months time i get to that mark or higher. it will surely make my resolve stronger that despite my serostatus, my body is winning the battle, for now.

ito ang aking diary

ako si BONG

 

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SI AMBER

Hi Bong

Im Amber,Lagi kong binabasa ang story dito.Dito ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob para magpatest,Isang taon nakong gustong gusto magpa-test pero sobrang takot ako at nahihiya at hindi ako handa na tanggapin kung Positive man ako.. 

My 2years live in Partner turns out na marami pala syang kinakasiping nalaman ko lang nung pahuli na namay isa pala syang YAHOO at dun sya nakikipagchat sa mga babaeng nakakasiping nia pinag-uusapan pa nila how they did it, 

Nakapaghiwalay ako agad, 1.5 years na ang nakakalipas since huli kaming nagsiping and he never used condom.Palagi akong nag-aalala na baka may HIV ako..Sobrang paranoid ko na.. Finally yesterday nagkaroon din ako ng lakas ng loob makapag pa test sa MAKATI SOCIAL HYGIENE and it turns out "REACTIVE" Sa mga pagkakataong yun hindi ako makapaniwala na sinasabi ng Nurse sakin na "REACTIVE daw" Hindi ako makatayo nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko..Sabi nia hintayin ko daw yung Confirmatory test after 2-3 weeks.

Kapag "REACTIVE ba means malaki ang chance na Positive ???I dont feel sick wala akong symptoms na nararamdaman walang rash or lymph nodes,,wala ring LBM akong nararanasan hindi ko matanggap na REACTIVE yung results pinapaniwala ko pa rin sarili na magiging Negative yung Confirmatory.Gulong gulo ako hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko.Di ko alam kung sino ang kakausapin ko.
Salamat at Pasensya kana ang haba na ng message ko 

Amber

Hello Amber,

Masaya ako at malungkot.

Masaya dahil kahit papaano, ang aking blog ang naging daan para magkaroon ka ng lakas ng loob para tanggapin sa iyong sarili na maaaring nagkaroon ka ng RISK sa HIV, at lakas ng loob to take the first step and had yourself tested.  Sana sa proseso ay mas naliwanagan ka na kung ano ang katotohanan ng HIV at AIDS.  

Malungkot dahil hindi naging maganda ang resulta ng screening test mo sa Makati. Totoo na mahirap ang sitwasyon mo ngayon lalo na at naghihintay ka ng CONFIRMATORY TEST mo, marami sa mga kakilala ko ang ganun din at gulong gulo ang isip during that time.  Para sagutin ang iyong tanung, because our screening tests now have greatly improved through the years there is only a very slim chance that you can turn out NEGATIVE on your confirmatory tests.  There is but its really very very rare - that I would not want you to bank on it and get disappointed again after a few weeks.  (some might not agree with me, let me tell you why this is my view)

Naalala ko pa nung nakuha ko na ang result ng confirmatory test ko  -----

JULY 2, 2011 “ REVELATIONS --- habang pasakay na kami ng kotse wala na kong ibang nasabi kungdi “sinabi ko na sa inyo guys eh” . pagkaupo, hinagilap nila ang aking kamay at mariing pinisil.  nagsimulang tahimik ang aming biyahe pabalik sa coffee shop na pinag almusalan naming.  maya maya ay nagsimula na naman ang diskusyon ukol na potensyal na magnegative pa ang confirmatory test na gagawin.  may suhestiyon si jimboy na kumuha ng panibagong rapid HIV testing sa isang pribadong clinic na malapit sa lugar naming “just to reconfirm the initial findings” sabi nya. hindi na ako  pumayag.  ang sa akin lang, kahapon ko pa natanggap na malaki ang potensyal na maging positive ako, mahirap mang isipin, hindi pa ako umiiyak at wala akong nararamdamang kailangan kong umiyak dahil sa mga pangyayaring ito.  gusto ko lang magsimula na agad na harapin ang kalagayan ko, ayoko ng bigyan pa ng false-hope ang aking sarili sa isang bagay na alam ko naman na maliit na lang ang potensyal na mangyari.  kung kailangan tanggapin na ngayon, tanggapin na lang. oo maghihintay pa ako ng 2 linggo pero ang alam ko sa ngayon POSITIVE ako. yun ang totoo, anu ang gagawin ko mula sa araw na ito. naintindihan nina jamil ay jimboy ang punto ko at tinaggap na rin nila ang aking argumento. ---
------------

Amber, I sincerely hope that your case can be part of that rare cases where the confirmatory tests will reveal negative results.  Pero sa ngayon mas magiging mas advantageous para sa iyo na tanggapin na lang kaagad ang resulta at magsimula sa panibagong buhay na kailangan mong harapin (tulad ng ginawa ko) ng sa gayun ay mabawasan na  ng pag aalala at lalong depresyon sa buhayh mo ngayon.  Kung sakaling maging maswerte ka sa confirmatory result mo, then we can celebrate and treat it as a  bonus. Kung hindi naman at talagang POSITIVE ka na eh maaga pa lang ay nakapag move on ka na and you start taking care of yourself (at hindi na nasayang ang 2 buwan sa pagaalala at mga negative thoughts).  Dapat mong tandaan na sa iyong kalagayan ngayon, the last thing you need to to feel depress and feel bad.  Andyan na yan at di na natin mababago ang nakaraan.  The more you spend time getting depressed and “feel negative” about the situation, it will further take its toll on your immune system and your health.  

Napakadaling sabihin pero sobrang hirap gawin, may ilang tao akong kilala na it took months and sometimes even years before they were able to move on with their life and start feeling good about themselves again.  Ako it took me 1 day of sadness and feeling ”lost” after which nakamove on na ako agad.  Alam mo kung bakit??? Dahil sa simula pa lang ay educated na ako about HIV and AIDS, malawak na ang kaalamam ko sa isyung ito, PLUS sadyang  masayahin at “positive thinker” lang talaga akong tao, I always look at the positive side of things, marami na akong napagdaanang bagay sa buhay ko and nothing can pull me down, not even HIV.  Hiling ko ay sana ay maging madali para sa iyo na maka move on.

Base sa mga bagong diagnosed na nakasalamuha ko, kahit pala dumaan naman sila na proper POST TEST COUNSELNG, pero dahil nga sa biglang masamang balita ay tila wala silang naintindihan at maalala sa mga sinabi ng COUNSELR after nilang malaman ang resulta.  Normal ito na nasa state of shock tayo at kahit nai explain na sa atin ang mga dapat gawin, ay tila confused na confused pa rin tayo.  Dahil siguro hindi natin nasabi or naisip agad ang mga sitwaysyon na kinalalagyan natin at hindi ito direktang nasagot ng counselor. (paano ako? Paano ang anak ko? Paano ang trabaho ko? Paano wala akong pera? At marami pang iba) .  

Kaya inirerekumenda ko na 

1. after a few days at mas malinaw na ang iyong pagiisip, ay makipagusap ulit sa iyong counselor, o kaya sa isang counselor na PLHIV (people living with HIV) din kung saan mas mailalatag mo ang iyong mga katanungan at kalituhan para masagot isa isa.   Hanggat hindi mo ito nagagawa ay hindi mawawala ang iyong pag ka “lost” sa sitwasyon mo. 

2. kung ayaw mong makipag usap, pwede ka ring magresearch – may kumpletong impormasyon tungkol sa NEWLY DIAGNOSED sa www.thebody.com, halos lahat ng tanung natin nasagot na nila you can go directly here --- http://www.thebody.com/content/49985/just-diagnosed-with-hiv-aids.html?ic=3001 --- maari lang may ibang detalye na hindi angkop sa sitwasyon natin sa pilipinas kaya para sa akin mas mahalaga pa rin na makipag usap o magtanung ng personal na isang tao na nakakaalam tungkol dito, a PLHIV na Counselor or just plain PLHIV.

3. Research and educate yourself completely on HIV & AIDS (same website).

4. Start living a Healthy Life. (which is the way it should be PLHIV or not)

5. Consider having a PLHIV Support Group (BABAE PLUS, PINOY PLUS, CEBU PLUS, PAFPI etc..) kasi sila ang magiging katuwang mo sa lahat ng iyong katanungan. Sobrang dami ring anonymous PLHIV Twitter users, if you want to belong but still keep your identity anonymous and share your story - there is a lot to learn from our PLHIV colleagues and to know that there are hundreds and thousands of us out there is PRICELESS.   I can introduce you to them, tweet me at --- ako_si_BONG

6. Consider disclosure to key people. importante ito pero hindi naman requirement.

7. Have you Philhealth documents ready.  malaki ang maitutulong nito sa ating bagong buhay. kung wala ka pa, make sure you enroll immediately.

8. Seek medical attention and follow the crucial next steps after you receive your Confirmatory Results.  – CHOOSING & REFERRAL TO TREATMENT HUB – BASELINE LABORATORY TESTS – QUARTERLY OR BI-ANNUAL CHECK UP WITH AN HIV DOCTOR.

9. Most importantly Love Yourself above all. 

EMBRACE POSITIVITY:

a. You took the test and now you know your status, you can finally stop wondering and start to move on --- this is good!

b. Mukhang just a few years lang yung risky sex relationship mo, means a few years lang din nung ma acquire mo ito… meaning there is still a plenty of time to move and seek proper  medical attention…. Some people took 5 to 10 years to find out their status, and sometimes its already too late for them.

c. You are perfecty healthy at wala kang anumang sakit.  Meaning wala pang kahit anung opportunistic infections.  This is great, more good news.  --- dipende sa tao at sa kanilang immune system, a person can last 2 to 10 years without any signs and symptoms before they realize that they are infected --- PLUS chances of living a productive life dramatically increases with proper ARV treamments which is now available for you (30 to 40 years is no longer rare for PLHIV).  This is GREAT.

d. Di ito cancer, walang taning ang buhay natin.  Masuwerte pa rin tayo.   

Focus lang ang kailangan, presence of mind at ilang taong iyong masasandalan.  Step by step. You can surpass all these.

AMBER, i give you a “Virtual HUG” – know that  its not the end of the world and we will be here for you, all you have to do is ask.


ito ang aking diary
ako si BONG

email: playingpositive@gmail.com
twitter: ako_si_BONG

Happy Anniversary!

i only remembered now, July 1 was the exact date i was diagnosed.

how could i?

- i was busy (lotsa work to be done)

- i never felt better, my labs are spotless

- cd4 count is steadily improving (next visit this july)

- lovelife is busy (i found someone *wink wink)

- sexlife is amazing

- career is likewise improving

how could anyone remember the bad memories if everything in their life seemed perfect?

i'v always been a happy boy, not even HIV can change that :)

ito ang aking diary

BONG

 

My EX is Parteeing N Playing!

Hi Bong,

I love your blog site as it delivers a clear message to Filipino people engaging into activities that put them at risk to acquire HIV. I decided to write an email because recently I learned that my ex boyfriend was engaging into risky sexual practices. We separated last July 2011 and still I know in my heart I still care. When I learned that he is engaging into partee and play without protection I was alarmed. A friend of mine whom I introduced him when we were still together exchanges messages to him in planetromeo. Sharing stories and sex trips. From ecstasy, he is now taking ice/slam. Engaging into pnp 1on1 but most of the times a group of 6 and more. Sadly, none of those events did he use condoms according to my friend.

I do not know PnP then until I researched every detail of partee and play. The rising incidence of HIV according to an article and even a feature news from an international tv was due to PnP. I was very curious that i researched colloquial terms they are using. To understand further pnp, i tried it once (of course observing safe sex from start to the end) to know how it feels. It was indeed ecstatic but a person in pnp was still in his sound mind and there was a period after the pnp that you would feel down even without reason (crashing is the term according to my research).

I wanted to help him, he was still young  (25 years old and I am 30). I took HIV test when I learned he was doing pnp, fortunately it was negative (feb 2012) because I know in myself i am not engaging into unprotected sex except to my bfs. I am convincing him to take the test and he refuse to talk about it. I care and i consulted hiv + in pr how to convince him to take the test...

I wanted to help him because i still care. Please help.

Thank you.

CARING EX


-----------------------------------------------


hello Caring Ex,

i will reply to your letter in my next blog (medyo busy lang) --- i also want to blog in details about the topic of PnP, there's a reason my blog is titled as such... i'v been wanting to talk about it, i always hesitate but because you opened the topic na, maybe this March is the right time to talk about it.

thanks for writing to me Caring Ex...

(anybody who wants to comment and help would be highly appreciated)

ito ang aking diary

BONG

A BIG DAY

Si TOFFEE... ex ko, pinakamatagal kong naging boyfriend, 4 1/2 years kami

Si ED... bestfriend ko for almost 15 years

 

pareho silang nakabase sa malayong lugar

pareho silang nasa maynila ngayon

kaming tatlo ang super close dati

 

imemeet ko sila mamaya, sasabihin ko ang kalagayan ko.

ninenerbiyos ako

ito ang aking diary

BONG